Wind was knocked swiftly out of my sails. When that happens....give up! That is my usual course of action. If you happened to read my previous post on handing in my first calculus assignment, full of anxiety, procrastination and ultimately, fanfare, you will note that at the bottom I noted that lows follow the highs. Here I am, in the lows. So...let's explore this shall we?
I waited for my marks, checked every few days, fretted, wondered, did something else, forgot about it, remembered, fretted again and finally clued in when I checked the site that the grade was "incomplete". I also got a tip-off that two of my answers were wrong. That lesson was apparently only the first of FIVE I was to hand in all at once. YAAAAA! And it was SO CHALLENGING just to do one. Immediately I felt foolish, then panicky and overwhelmed, then optimistic, then overwhelmed again, then self-loathing kicked in so I put it aside to deal with for another time since it is such a bad feeling.
It has been about a month now since I have known and since I can't get past the next lesson (on limits, which just keep hitting a mental block in my taxed brain), I have shut down. I mean, look how much effort it was just for me to hand the bloody thing in...ugh, the sweats come just contemplating.
In my assessment for ADHD, the therapist noted in the cognitive performance portion, that as the challenge increases, my performance increases, but it takes me such a great effort to get there in the first place I hardly ever do. The errors come doing the mundane tasks and so my sense that I can do it at all is dampened from the start.
Well, I will be attending an ADHD coaching Meet-up for the first time so maybe they will have some answers for me.They even have sort of a buddy system so I'll figure out what that is about. I don't want this to be yet another abandoned course.
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