It really is a waiting room of sorts, only there is no one to make small talk with, unless I get online, and you aren't supposed to look at stimulating flickering screens.
I currently think of myself as an unpaid shift worker. It's why I took to motherhood so easily--I actually got more sleep once I had babies; their sleep schedule mimicked mine!
The tricks that I have learned to use to help me fall asleep (math problems, memorizing geographical names or periodic table) don't seem to work when I am suddenly awake for no reason at 3:00 or 4:00 am.
My recent diagnosis of moderate-to-severe ADHD now explains it; explains the hamster wheel that is my brain so at least I needn't feel like sleep is just one more thing I'm bad at, and I don't feel bad about now designing my life around my need for sleep, taking meds when needed and flipping the bird at people who think I just need to "get up earlier so you'll feel tired." I'm already tired, and not nearly as cranky as I have a right to be! Instead, I have learned a few tricks, but they all take incredible discipline, something the ADD makes near impossible.
So instead of just indulging self-pity, I've decided to write about my challenges and reach out to other people who feel that their lives have been blindsided by brain wiring issues, including the sleep problem. I want to talk about my insights into parenting (which requires structure and discipline and consistency, especially for my son who has a developmental problem of his own), depression, creativity, the modern world, as well as to document my adventures in going back to school at 40, all while using a brain that is being regulated by an air traffic controller who has fallen asleep in the job. Let's hope I can keep it up.
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